Last week I wrote a post on 6 Reasons I Wish I Was a Cat. There were lots of very good and valid reasons in the list, though it was by no means extensive. Today I’m going to look at things from a different perspective. Here are some of the reasons that I am really rather glad that I am not a cat.
- When you are a cat, many things are bigger than you are. This can be quite scary. Especially if said big things move unexpectedly, or make strange noises without warning. Then, being a cat, the only response is to run and hide whilst making your tail imitate that of a squirrel or fox.
- The world beyond the home. For indoor cats, nature is an eternal torment. It is hidden beyond strange forcefield of hard air. As a result the indoor cat is unable to get the birds, flies, or other creatures that flaunt themselves in the wider world. Outdoor cats don’t necessarily get the better end of the stick. Sure they can hunt down those pesky creatures that tease the poor indoor cats, but they also have to deal with everything else in the wider world. Like other cats, dogs, strange people, and those big metal things that move super fast.
- Independence, or lack thereof. Pet cats are always dependant on their servants. The benefit of this is that the pet cat can receive food, attention, and a servant to clean up their messes, without even having to do anything in particular to earn it. But if the servant goes away for any period of time… Well, the world may as well have ended. On the other hand, wild cat-ness is overrated. See the above point on the world beyond the home for more details.
- Vet trips. You know how it is. You’re just laying around, minding your own business and trying to decide whether to scratch the sofa or knock that glass over when all of a sudden one of your apparently-not-so-loyal servant grabs you, shoves you in a dark, cramped box that smells vaguely of your own urine, and takes you out into the world beyond the home. Which as we’ve already established is a Bad Thing. Then you endure a bumpy ride in one of those horrible metal contraptions whilst your treacherous servants ignore your piteous pleas for mercy. After the bumpy ride you enter a strange building that smells of other animals, and eventually enter an even stranger room in which an unknown person physically assaults you. The assault may vary from time to time. They almost always poke and prod you with their deformed and furless paws. Sometimes they put temperature measuring devices in places that things should never be put into. Other times they stab you with strange metal things and either inject strange liquids into you or steal your blood for nefarious purposes. The worst times are when, after being injected with strange liquids, you awaken in a different unfamiliar place feeling strangely as if something is missing… Vet trips are certain one of the least pleasant experiences of a cat’s life.
- Closed doors and other places to which access is denied. When will the useless (and sometimes treacherous, see previous point) servants realise that nothing belongs to them and it all belongs to cats? The feline reliance on its servant (see point 3) is a privilege to said servant, and does not permit them the audacity of keeping anything off limits.
- Possible other cats. Honestly, I have a hard enough time in social situations as a human. If I were a cat, with claws, hissing and teeth added to the mix, I think I would probably end up being permanently attached to my human servant. Other cats, in the home or out, have different smells, may steal your food, or defecate in your toilet. Definitely not worth the trouble. Maybe explaining the problem to the human servant will help get rid of it.
- That damn red dot thing. The bane of cats everywhere. Well, except Elvis. Sure, I know now that it is simply the laser pointer controlled by a human, but if I were a cat I would not know that. I would have to chase that dot every time it appeared. I would become a slave to it’s will.
- And the final reason I am glad I’m not a cat… It would make my marriage very difficult. Enough said.
That covers all the points that S and I came up with. Let me know in the comments if you can think of any reasons why you wouldn’t (or would!) want to be a cat.