Catty Conversations

All Aboard The Cat TrainThe prompt I am working on today (from Writing 101) is to compare and contrast two things. The special twist on this is to write it as a dialogue. I decided to write it as a conversation between our cats, because that seemed like a fun thing to do.

“They like me more, of course.” Lola said, swishing her tail languidly.

Elvis curled his lip. “Nonsense,” he replied, “how could you possibly believe that?”

“Well I am prettier than you.”

“Pretty? You’re nothing but a bit of white fluff.” Elvis pushed his face forwards. “I look much nicer – my face has character.”

“Character?” Lola stretched, testing her claws on the edge of the sofa right beside Elvis’s face. He quickly moved back. “I guess that’s one way to put it.” She looked at him in consideration. “Perhaps you would be prettier if you weren’t so… fat.”

Not fat, cuddlyElvis’s yellow eyes widened considerably. “I am not fat!” He said. “I’m cuddly.”

“You’re rotund.”

“I’d rather be cuddly than scrawny like you are.”

Lola narrowed her eyes. “Why do you think they started feeding us in separate rooms? You’re on a diet.”

“They’re feeding us separately because you’re such an awkwardly picky eater.”

Lola likes to hang out“I have a refined palette.” Lola said with a sniff.

“You’re fussy.” Elvis licked his paw. “And annoying.”


“Yes, you’re annoying. You yell all the time -”

“It’s not yelling!” Her ears flattened against her head. “It’s called having a conversation.”

“It’s hardly a conversation when everyone that isn’t you is just trying to get you to be quiet.” Elvis turned his head away in feigned disinterest. “Why do you think they like me more? I’m quiet and well-behaved.”

“You are not well-behaved.” Lola said. “You chase me in the night. You bite -”


“- and you steal their seats whenever they stand up, even for a moment. They don’t like that you know.”

“At least I don’t go in place I’m not allowed.”

“It’s called exploring.” Lola said. “It shows that I’m interested in their lives.”

Lolas failed attempt to find Narnia“It shows that you’re an irritant. Why would you even want to go in the dishwasher? Stupid.”

Lola growled. “I am not stupid!”

“Yes you are.” Elvis said, flicking the tip of his tail. “You fall for that little-red-dot trick every time. They only do that to get you out the way.”

Lola froze. “They have nothing to do with the dot.”

“Of course they do. Where did you think it comes from?”

“It’s not- It doesn’t-” Lola turned. “I’m done talking to you. You’re impossible.”

“See!” Elvis purred. “I’m right, you’re stupid.” He reached forward with his paw and tapped at her ankle.

Lola span, hissing angrily and hit back, claws out. Within moments they were chasing each other around the flat, Lola growling obscenities the whole time.


Friends, kind ofThere we go. I found it a bit difficult to get in the comparisons without making the conversation too stilted and unnatural. Although I’ll admit that two cats having a conversation in English is already quite unnatural…

I’ll point out also that whilst everything they “say” about one another is true (with a little artistic license), they do get along well enough most of the time. They’re mostly content to ignore each other, sometimes will have chases which involve a little growling but no real fighting, and sometimes will even exchange nose kisses. Elvis even gives Lola the occasional tongue-bath, though she doesn’t normally put up with it for very long!


Lady Joyful

Do you have pets that do or don’t get along? What do you imagine they would say about each other if they could talk?

4 thoughts on “Catty Conversations

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